COPING DURING EMOTIONALLY DIFFICULT TIMES
GROUND YOURSELF: Sit with your feet touching the floor and your hands resting on your lap or armchair. Feel the ground beneath your feet, feel your arms touching your lap or your chair. Take 3 deep breaths. Imagine roots growing from your feet and perineum down through the floor and deep into the earth, holding you firmly to the earth. Now breathe normally, with the natural rhythm of your breath. Close your eyes and imagine yourself in the most beautiful nature scene you’ve been in. Breathing calmly.
CENTER YOURSELF: Feel yourself in the center of your body, in that place where you feel most like yourself. Start to think about the things you know to be true about yourself, like your accomplishments, the nice gestures you make for people, your strengths and abilities, compliments you’ve received over the years, successes you’ve achieved, difficult times you didn’t think you would make it through, but did. Think about what you like about yourself. Say to yourself…”I know who I am, and I know what I want.”
WEEKLY SELF CARE: Bodywork, therapy, a fun hobby, cooking for fun, listening to music, creative projects, spa treatments, etc. Talk to a friend about your week and listen to how their week was.
BOX OF EXPECTATIONS: Be mindful of who you expect things from and what you expect from them. Not everyone is capable of being supportive or understanding someone else’s viewpoint that is different from theirs. Put unrealistic expectations in a box in your mind (designed by you) and put it in a closet or on a shelf in your mind. Don’t expect too much from family members or friends who can’t deliver. It’s not yours or their fault that they are unable to meet your expectations. It’s just how it is. No one is to blame and it doesn’t make anyone bad or uncaring. Know that you can’t possibly meet everyone’s expectations, either. Everyone is different. Most people can be supportive in one or more ways that work for you, but not in other ways you may need. Each contributes in a different way. Go to different people to get different needs met.
REMEMBER YOURSELF: Remember who you are. Remind yourself of your intelligence, or your compassion for other people, or how you stick to your morals and values, or how you always try to help people whenever you can, how much you’ve learned in your life, the times when you took risks and it worked out, the times when you went through difficult periods and you made it through because of your strength/intelligence/intuition, etc. Don’t let the disappointments you experience from others’ behaviors or opinions cause you to spiral down into feeling bad about yourself. Stand strong and proud in who you are. You don’t need to tell others your decisions if you know they won’t agree with your choices, unless they have a need to know for some reason. Many times you won’t tell them at all and they’ll find out after it’s done, and that’s okay. You are an adult now, which means you don’t have to answer to anyone but yourself in how you live your life and the choices that you make.
Come up with an image that personifies the strong part of you, e.g. Wonder Woman, the Lion, etc. and when you feel weak pull this part of you up. You know how to be brave, how to stand up for yourself, and how to ignore others when necessary in order to “get the job done.” You’ve mostly likely done it before at some time in your life, whether in childhood, as a teenager, or recently. If you haven’t then, imagine that you do have this capability inside of you, this strong part that you can pull up when you need it. Practice relying on this part of you when you feel emotionally weak. The more you practice this, the easier it will become.
VISUALIZATIONS: When you feel like a situation or your emotions are overwhelming you, imagine you’re in the middle of a storm, and you’re holding onto something that is keeping you stable, like a large lamp pole or tree trunk. Something really strong that won’t move and that is keeping you stable and safe. Or that your mom, dad, or another relative (living or deceased) is wrapping their arms around you and holding onto you, keeping you steady and safe. Imagine they’re telling you encouraging things, like “you’ve got this,” “you’re going to make it,” “It’s going to be okay,” etc. Or, imagine a large, benevolent being is wrapping its huge arms around you and keeping you steady and safe. If you’re a religious person, imagine an angel or other religious being is sitting with you and holding you, keeping you steady and safe. Lots of things to visualize. Use your intuition to see what feels best for you.
STAY IN THE MOMENT: Shrink time down into just this one moment right now. No thinking about what might happen tomorrow, or what’s around the corner, or what happened yesterday. Imagine you’re looking down at your feet and taking just…One. Step. At . A. Time. See yourself putting one foot in front of the other. All you can see in front of you is your feet, as they take one step at a time. All that matters are these single steps. Shrink your world down to just this one moment in time. Slow time down to just this one moment. You don’t have to worry about anything but NOW. Everything will happen on its own, organically, without you doing anything about it. Focus on the NOW, the PRESENT. Listen to your breathing. Follow your stomach as it goes up and down. Go on to the next activity in your day just thinking about THAT ACTIVITY. Nothing else. Everything will take care of itself. You don’t have to even think about it. Just respond when you’re called to.
FOCUS ON A POSITIVE ENDING: No matter what is going on, imagine a positive ending. And know that you don’t have to take care of everything. Everything will take care of itself. Just do what you’re called to do in the moment. Let go of the belief that you can somehow control the results. The only thing you can control is how you respond. Be flexible and open about what the results will be. Don’t try to project into the future. No one knows what the future will bring. You only have two choices: you can imagine the end result, whatever that may be, will be positive or you can imagine that it will be negative. Those are your only choices. Which one is worth expending your energy on? Which one makes you feel better and helps you get through it? Your job is just to put one foot in front of the other to get you through this temporarily difficult time until things change. Again, use visualization to help you get through. Imagine that you’re on a journey and you’re walking in a forest on your way to a destination that ultimately you know you’re going to love. As you walk on the path, the brushes and trees are becoming so dense and thick that you can barely see your way. The rain is pelting down so hard that you almost can’t see in front of you. Or imagine you’re walking through the desert and all you see is stretches of sand everywhere around you, and the path in front of you. All you can do is take one step at a time, turning the next corner, sometimes uphill, sometimes downhill. But you know that you’ll make it if you just focus on each step. That is the only thing you can control right now. You can’t control what’s around you on your path, but you can stay on the path and put one foot in front of the other. That’s your job. To take each step, one at a time, until you get to the end. You don’t know what will be at the end, but you know that it will be good.
GROUND YOURSELF: Sit with your feet touching the floor and your hands resting on your lap or armchair. Feel the ground beneath your feet, feel your arms touching your lap or your chair. Take 3 deep breaths. Imagine roots growing from your feet and perineum down through the floor and deep into the earth, holding you firmly to the earth. Now breathe normally, with the natural rhythm of your breath. Close your eyes and imagine yourself in the most beautiful nature scene you’ve been in. Breathing calmly.
CENTER YOURSELF: Feel yourself in the center of your body, in that place where you feel most like yourself. Start to think about the things you know to be true about yourself, like your accomplishments, the nice gestures you make for people, your strengths and abilities, compliments you’ve received over the years, successes you’ve achieved, difficult times you didn’t think you would make it through, but did. Think about what you like about yourself. Say to yourself…”I know who I am, and I know what I want.”
WEEKLY SELF CARE: Bodywork, therapy, a fun hobby, cooking for fun, listening to music, creative projects, spa treatments, etc. Talk to a friend about your week and listen to how their week was.
BOX OF EXPECTATIONS: Be mindful of who you expect things from and what you expect from them. Not everyone is capable of being supportive or understanding someone else’s viewpoint that is different from theirs. Put unrealistic expectations in a box in your mind (designed by you) and put it in a closet or on a shelf in your mind. Don’t expect too much from family members or friends who can’t deliver. It’s not yours or their fault that they are unable to meet your expectations. It’s just how it is. No one is to blame and it doesn’t make anyone bad or uncaring. Know that you can’t possibly meet everyone’s expectations, either. Everyone is different. Most people can be supportive in one or more ways that work for you, but not in other ways you may need. Each contributes in a different way. Go to different people to get different needs met.
REMEMBER YOURSELF: Remember who you are. Remind yourself of your intelligence, or your compassion for other people, or how you stick to your morals and values, or how you always try to help people whenever you can, how much you’ve learned in your life, the times when you took risks and it worked out, the times when you went through difficult periods and you made it through because of your strength/intelligence/intuition, etc. Don’t let the disappointments you experience from others’ behaviors or opinions cause you to spiral down into feeling bad about yourself. Stand strong and proud in who you are. You don’t need to tell others your decisions if you know they won’t agree with your choices, unless they have a need to know for some reason. Many times you won’t tell them at all and they’ll find out after it’s done, and that’s okay. You are an adult now, which means you don’t have to answer to anyone but yourself in how you live your life and the choices that you make.
Come up with an image that personifies the strong part of you, e.g. Wonder Woman, the Lion, etc. and when you feel weak pull this part of you up. You know how to be brave, how to stand up for yourself, and how to ignore others when necessary in order to “get the job done.” You’ve mostly likely done it before at some time in your life, whether in childhood, as a teenager, or recently. If you haven’t then, imagine that you do have this capability inside of you, this strong part that you can pull up when you need it. Practice relying on this part of you when you feel emotionally weak. The more you practice this, the easier it will become.
VISUALIZATIONS: When you feel like a situation or your emotions are overwhelming you, imagine you’re in the middle of a storm, and you’re holding onto something that is keeping you stable, like a large lamp pole or tree trunk. Something really strong that won’t move and that is keeping you stable and safe. Or that your mom, dad, or another relative (living or deceased) is wrapping their arms around you and holding onto you, keeping you steady and safe. Imagine they’re telling you encouraging things, like “you’ve got this,” “you’re going to make it,” “It’s going to be okay,” etc. Or, imagine a large, benevolent being is wrapping its huge arms around you and keeping you steady and safe. If you’re a religious person, imagine an angel or other religious being is sitting with you and holding you, keeping you steady and safe. Lots of things to visualize. Use your intuition to see what feels best for you.
STAY IN THE MOMENT: Shrink time down into just this one moment right now. No thinking about what might happen tomorrow, or what’s around the corner, or what happened yesterday. Imagine you’re looking down at your feet and taking just…One. Step. At . A. Time. See yourself putting one foot in front of the other. All you can see in front of you is your feet, as they take one step at a time. All that matters are these single steps. Shrink your world down to just this one moment in time. Slow time down to just this one moment. You don’t have to worry about anything but NOW. Everything will happen on its own, organically, without you doing anything about it. Focus on the NOW, the PRESENT. Listen to your breathing. Follow your stomach as it goes up and down. Go on to the next activity in your day just thinking about THAT ACTIVITY. Nothing else. Everything will take care of itself. You don’t have to even think about it. Just respond when you’re called to.
FOCUS ON A POSITIVE ENDING: No matter what is going on, imagine a positive ending. And know that you don’t have to take care of everything. Everything will take care of itself. Just do what you’re called to do in the moment. Let go of the belief that you can somehow control the results. The only thing you can control is how you respond. Be flexible and open about what the results will be. Don’t try to project into the future. No one knows what the future will bring. You only have two choices: you can imagine the end result, whatever that may be, will be positive or you can imagine that it will be negative. Those are your only choices. Which one is worth expending your energy on? Which one makes you feel better and helps you get through it? Your job is just to put one foot in front of the other to get you through this temporarily difficult time until things change. Again, use visualization to help you get through. Imagine that you’re on a journey and you’re walking in a forest on your way to a destination that ultimately you know you’re going to love. As you walk on the path, the brushes and trees are becoming so dense and thick that you can barely see your way. The rain is pelting down so hard that you almost can’t see in front of you. Or imagine you’re walking through the desert and all you see is stretches of sand everywhere around you, and the path in front of you. All you can do is take one step at a time, turning the next corner, sometimes uphill, sometimes downhill. But you know that you’ll make it if you just focus on each step. That is the only thing you can control right now. You can’t control what’s around you on your path, but you can stay on the path and put one foot in front of the other. That’s your job. To take each step, one at a time, until you get to the end. You don’t know what will be at the end, but you know that it will be good.
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